please make contact if this describes you.  we have a small assignment - quite painless and above board!

Several vegetarians have expressed pleasure that the whole roasts have been on hold while we emptied several freezers full of prime pork.  That is now done so the whole roast is back for march.  Just to take turns we have ordered a lamb - spring time and all that!  a thought for veggies:  99.9999% of all biomass and 99.9% of living creatures are destined to die by being eaten alive (which includes disease).  humans and animals bred for food are the only wholesale exceptions.  being knocked on the head is a small price to pay for a safe, well fed, medically administered prime of life in our green countryside.  if you were waiting up in animal heaven waiting to be born into such relative luxury, the last thing you want to hear is a bunch of vegetarians denying your only purpose for being here!

one of the most valuable guidelines for people choosing parties is independant reviews from people who have actually attended.  to add to this resource we occasionally paste emails onto the site.  in case the senders are coy about their identity, we edit out whole names.  if anyone wants to send a review but not be quoted, please say so in the email.

we know baz worked hard on his first session here in january and would value feed back on how closely he delivered to the eclectic tastes that comprise 'radlett'.  in february he got 6 rave reviews with no bad marks - so he's booked for march.  peter continues to sterling work on friday nights and has also asked for any constructive comments you might want to pass on.  another reason to come and check radlett out.

we know you inadequates of the tobacco dependency rue your pariah status so we wanted to thank those of you who remember our home is not a club where you can stub dogends out on the floor confident that the owner will foot the bill and an army of cleaners put it all back together again.  we do all the cleaning and repairs are already well into six figures.  We would be thrilled if the 80% of smokers to whom such thanks are due could become 95%.  suggestions would be:  contain smoking to where there are no soft furnishings or curtains to hold the smoke (kitchen); never smoke upstairs; use an ashtray rather than the grounds - it takes ages to pick up every dogend and otherwise they take five years to biodegrade.

The party trustees have decided to release door takings to refurbish the two wrecked bathrooms.  One had a reveller stub a cigarette out on our irreplaceable classic plastic bath.  The other had a shy couple smash the cistern lid in flagrante delecto.  We hope you approve the replacement greco-roman marble and mosaic style with gold fittings.  Reason enough to visit if you haven't passed opinion yet!

Janet and Richard,
 
 
What can I say, but what an excellent club far better than any others we have been to. thank you to the team that provided a banquet of food in the dinning room. Been a few times on Friday and Saturday nights and always had a great time felt this time we would like to send you email. The new Dj was fantastic played erotic music till the early hours of the morning. The facilities are excellent, and I have to say the site photos doesn't do the place justice, its far better when you get there.

There loads of different rooms to play including the dungeon loft area  to chill out and relax. My favourite has to be the indoor pool with the telescopic dome looking to the stars and hot hub with lots of sexy people  enjoying themselves.
 
To all those sexy couples that were there last Friday see you next month
 
K & T

The black man's fan club (as you should deduce from our racial mix) is not our idea.  It has been set up bt Helen and Tony and used to be run at F club before that club priced them away then copied the format.  See www.blackmansfanclub.co.uk.  How to get an invitation is detailed therein.  They use Littlecroft, but the parties are not ours and we are not empowered to grant entrance.

Revellers (especially those who believe wrongly that parties are run as a business) will be pleased to know that in the last few weeks a five figure budget has replaced flooring on landing, dance floor and loft.

objective analysis of photographs would show that it hasn't.  the absence of whole hog for a couple of months, coupled with a depletion of blood sugars in those travelling a long way has led to a misplaced conspiracy theory that we are trying to save money or effort.   the whole roast hog has been suspended until four freezer compartments bursting with delicous and perfectly safe pork have been relieved of that pressure.  up to twelve kilograms of gorgeous flesh is recovered from each carcass and the family just can't get through it all between parties.  we can't get our heads around the immorality of throwing such food away when half the world's population are hungry.  we have held competitions to present the pork attractively and the winner so far has been the fajita kit at the last party - some six kilograms were snaffled.  it would be nice if people noticed that during this porcine interregnum, more has been spent on other food - salt beef, a ham; french cheeses, king prawns, crab, shellfish (we even heard complaints that the latter is inappropriate at such parties and can't be trusted!!).  The total food budget has temporarily reduced only around £30 (a tiny proportion) and some eight man-hours still go into the non-hog food preparation with the logistics starting five days in advance.  admittedly the six man hours preparing and clearing the hog is being saved.  for those for whom the 'banquet' was an important adjunct to every other largesse on offer here, the whole hog will be reinstated until the freezers burst again.  everyone can help by: eating more of it; removing extremities at the end of the evening in doggy bags (head and forelegs); eating any pork dishes on offer as a priority; helping with butchery of the carcass into freezer baglets; telling the team who work so hard in an honourary capacity on the food how much they are appreciated; understanding that advice given on the ship's bridge is better recieved from those who have served well in the engine room.

over the last two decades, relaxation of laws (and thereby attitudes) has caused the number of public swinging venues (clubs) to overtake house parties such that club capacity now exceeds house party capacity around fifteen to one.  clubs have advantages over house parties as follows:  phobic anti-smokers will experience less discomfort at public venues.  those apt to lose timing discipline when confronted with lacivious distraction will get thrown out of public venues when the staff are contracted to go home.  a terse 'get your knickers back on - we've got homes to go to' around 2am (just as the real fun is getting underway) is bracingly helpful to those whose fantasies were about to cause them too late a night.  easily tempted dieters will also prefer clubs.  feeding clients is usually seen as an expensive time-consuming nuisance, so assuage customers with a minimum of nibbles - beware the complex proteins that may have been introduced to those peanuts and crisps!  every one else would be better off at house parties.  the number throughout the land that attract three figure attendance (more choice) can be counted on the fingers of one hand.  we look forward to seeing you soon.

we have been amused by tales from couples who used to arrange to meet other couples for an evening's foursome.  disasters have included:

their photo's weren't taken this decade/since their bathroom scales must have broken.

you can't determine hygiene levels from a photo - they stank!

as soon as we saw their lapel carnation accross the pub bar we hastily hid ours and ran for the exit.

to have one's partner's diagonal blossoming while one's own opportunity is 'boring for england' is worse than eating one's own foot.

i daren't put my clothes down anywhere their floor was so dirty.  how could i trust their sheets?

they thoughtfully brought round their holiday album, which transpired a lot more interesting than themselves.  i had no idea scarborough had so much to offer.

they could surely have told us in advance that she was bi and disallowed from extra-marital male contact.

was our visit really so unnerving that they needed to drink themselves into oblivion beforehand?

the list goes on, but the message is simple.  if you are thinking of doing it - don't.  well populated house parties avoid all these pitfalls and are much less stress.

apologies to anyone who has been put off by finding detritus from friends' weddings, youngsters' parties and christenings down the back of chairs.  we are told the location and setting here is ideal for such events.  it is a tribute to modern liberalism that all users have so far insisted on leaving the pole in place.  that might change if one couple accept their clergyman uncle's offer to conduct their ceremony here.  enquiries to 01923 859043.

we have been told that the 'maturity' of some of the reviews can be interpreted as this venue 'living in the past'.  the reality is that we are hoarders - anyone peeking into the 'storage bedrooms' will confirm that.  also, whilst the value of aged reviews can be very slight, it is greater than the value to mankind of liberating the fraction of a square millimeter of magnetic oxide spinning tirelessly in some remote hard drive by deleting same.  running parties is a hobby for us - not a business, so sometimes we are guilty of leaving several weeks between updates.  if you need a slick, up to the minute site, there are plenty out there.  we are however regularly told that this is one of the very rare venues where what you see on the site is what you get.  you choose - tinsel or substance.

thanks for the email.  we have heard horror stories from couples who have endured foursomes arranged remotely.  we felt we had laid on the opposite, where couples can't mislead by sending out of date photos, where hygeine levels can be assessed first hand (pun not originally intended), where the setting is conducive and where there is as large a pool of diverse opportunities as possible.  if one couple doesn't suit or lacks a compatible protocol, a quick 'see you later' or 'must get a drink' moves the evening on painlessly.  we also endeavour to enable as many requirements as possible.  many couples share your monogomous position and have found that a gentle 'no' is all that's necessary to feel safe.  sometimes we label the rooms for types of activity.  our own view is that 'monogamous couples only in this room'  would be under-utilised, but if we've got that wrong we are happy to try the experiment.  I am posting this anonymously on the bulletin board so those who share your preference can declare themselves.  we look forward to sorting this out to every one's satisfaction.

Hi Richard, I'm hoping that you can help us...
 
We have been asked by a weekly magazine to find  swinging couples who will be spending Xmas (or New Year) together - could be at a special Xmas or New Year party, or simply couples spending some holiday time together...
 
Of course, the mag is prepared to pay (around £400) to the couples.
 
If you can help, or know someone who would like to take part, please let me know!

Best Regards 

James Longmore  BSc (Hons)
adultadventures

01924 223225 

Helen and Tony approached us some time ago to use Littlecroft as their venue.  Being a mixed race couple, we have always been sceptical of racial demarcation and Janet is at a loss as to why any woman would prefer only black men.  However, we gave it a go and you will see from the review 'unedited observations on the BMFC' that the first one on 30/8/8 went very well.  Next one is 20/9/8.  See their site for more details.

ps: 20/9/8 another success so will continue as the third saturday of the month.  special arrangements are being planned for december.  watch the 'dates' space.

We have learnt that abuse - either by carelessness or intent goes with the territory of entertaining, but we thought we would detail some examples as a deterrent.  Janet and I differ on whether to open up the office for storing coats, chilling out etc.  I believed that trusting people with the run of most of our home would motivate honesty.  Janet was right.  At the last party a table lamp and all the stair lights that could be wrenched from the skirting went awol.  Did anyone see the culprit?  Perhaps we should put out souvenirs of the venue if that is motivation for the kleptomaniac.

We have kept the cigarette stubbing mark on the landing wallpaper as a monument to the 'lady' who needed to vent her anger at being asked not to smoke upstairs.  Less sinister, but more stupid is the gigarette burn on the irreplaceable en suite bath.  Presumably someone sitting on the loo and realising they needed both hands for some vital function thought it fine to stub out in the bath.  Velvet curtains suffered the same fate.  The list goes on.

C'mon guys - get those overalls on!  The spreadsheet of works needed to repair party damage and improve the venue for parties now has 137 jobs on it with an estimated workload of 1467 hours.  We are contemplating a make and mend weekend in the summer with family involvement barbeque and beers on us.  What do people think?

update 9/9/8:  no one came forward on the above idea.  thus we now have 180 jobs totalling 1577 hours.  hours contributed in return for free entry is currently averaging £82 per hour.  you've had the credit crunch.  if more energy doesn't step forward soon, the parties will expire through the maintenance crunch.

In the past, single guys have brought their jurassic cultural outlooks to the party.  If you have been guilty of, or even have any sympathy for any of the following behaviours, please seek your pleasure elsewhere.

Interacting with female guests as if they owe you a sexual result

Showing bad humour in the event of: not being asked to join in; being asked not to join in; being asked to leave a situation.

Showing that bad humour by spitting, swearing or stealing.

Drinking beyond social pleasantry.

Stubbing cigarettes out to cause damage/ in drinks or food.

Persisting after being told 'no'.

Refusing to leave a room when asked because you 'have as much right to be there as anyone else'.

Telling players that 'if you don't like me joining in, you shouldn't be at this type of party'.

Why not treat yourself to an aerial preview via Google Earth at 51 40' 31.09N, 0 18' 04.12 W.  The view has been updated in the last few weeks with the new pool cover, marquee and log cabin now visible.

Thanks for all the rave reviews.  The review titled 'baba' was typical of what we were hearing all night.  The team toiled for over a hundred man-hours so appreciate the plaudits.  Commiserations to all those who could not get out of family commitments - or worse still skulked away to a lesser venue for the occasion.  A warm welcome to the dozens of you upgrading from the tired 'wannabe' venues.  Thanks to those who have already put their deposit down for next NYE.  Any others wishing to join them before end of September by getting us an unrefundable £20 are assured of a place for only £30 more on the door.  Shame on 4 of the five single guys who were notified they had won a place but did not turn up.  The charity cheque will be lessened by their duplicity.  The losers would have been outnumbered by single ladies.  Congratulations - some of the oufits were amazing.  Never did find out if it was Tom Cruise behind the 'eyes wide shut mask'.  See you all soon we hope.

A couple of people have raised eyebrows that their contribution is collected from them while still in their cars in the drive.  This is simply so they can go straight from the car park through the back doors into the warm kitchen without wasting time coming back round to the front door.

We have been listening hard to views on how to upgrade the 7 toilets and 4 bathrooms.  Plumbers will know that keeping this all up to date is like painting the Forth bridge - it never ends.  To test interest in bidet's, the small toilet opposite bedroom 4 has been re-fitted with new equipment including a small hand basin and a discreet hand held shower hose.  Depending on how popular that is, we will amend plans for a refit of a walk-in shower in place of the bath in the bathroom opposite bedroom 2.  Let us know what you think.

We have it on good authority from the police that this venue is private so not subject to the recent law on smoking.  Remember however that it doesn't happen upstairs and all debris from this bizzarrre dependency is to be routed to a proper ashtray - the carefully manicured grounds are not a three acre ashtray!

Thanks to all those eagle-eyed web trawlers who have reported other venues trying to copy Littlecroft.  One site has apparently even lifted every word verbatim from ours.  Very flattering.

Dozens will confirm that the pool is back to its frolicsome best.  You'd be mad to go anywhere else!

For four days we have enjoyed up to 40 people at a time shooting just 4 minutes of this soap.  Afficionados might want to watch on September 25th to see Littlecroft time warped back to 1979.

ps: Did anyone recognise the venue?

Thanks to all those who send emails of thanks and praise for the parties.  Sorry to the majority whose emails don’t get published on the site.  They do motivate us to keep going, but it would be selfish not to extend the benefits to partygoers and yet-to-be-swayed newcomers.  The former benefit from the latter taking the plunge by reading the small selection pasted to the ‘reviews’ section.  We believe such emails are a deal more convincing than any self-praise and have had that confirmed by countless couples who were swayed into joining us by reading them.  It is difficult to imagine anyone getting far enough into the site to read reviews who would judge any authors of same negatively.  Positively is far more likely.  Nevertheless, it is only fair to warn people that we do post occasional emails to the ‘reviews’ section.  Mindful that some of you may not yet have had the courage to ‘come out’ in this respect, we drop surnames, unusual first names and locations from the email so that imagined identification of the authors would be wild speculation.  If the authors are ‘John and Susan’ we naturally leave the names in for credibility.  If emails are sent with such timidity as to require it, please indicate either that name changes are required, or that you don’t wish to assist partygoers or newcomers by going public at all.

Very rarely, we are dissappointed by a reveller - invariably someone who has bypassed the interview process.  We have still fallen short of banning anyone, usually because we need one further visit from a culprit to return what they stole!  Being busy, we thought we might take a lesson from inland revenue and suggest a frivolous self-assesment.  Total the following:

the number of times you have struck your partner ever

the number of weeks at her majesty's pleasure for crimes of violence

the number of times you have been sick through drinking since the age of 18

the value in £sterling of booty you have ever stolen from parties

the number of times you broke smoking rules at parties in your last 5 visits

the number of times you left cigarette butts in food, drink, the grounds or anywhere other than an ashtray on your last visit

the number of times you have bypassed playing with the hosts for other people in the last year

If your total is above:

50   turn yourself in

30   ask us for a list of inferior venues that might be prepared to have you

20   deposit a good behaviour bond on entry

10   seek counselling

5     try to improve

Everyone else is very welcome.

We’ve just had a hoot reading www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,5-2005230149,00.html. You might find it a useful way of evangelising doubters who ought to join you.

Rave reviews all round.  Apologies to those venues who thought they had caught up by getting an inflatable dome - loosers!

Several of you sent positive emails about this, but we felt the event fell between two very different visions. Do people want a summer counterbalance to the New Year eve party? If you have views on theme, entertainment and any ways it can be made special, please let us know. We have many weeks to get it right for June 2008.

This nestles under the grape vine and is usually around 107 degrees Fahrenheit.  We have arranged wooden walkways to protect bare feet from the patio gravel.  Up to twelve exhibitionists at a time like to give a cabaret for those at the buffet table.

This stood up well to its most famous user yet – the 2005 world pole dancing champion gave us a breathtaking display on April 8th.  A refurbisment in November involving a local engineering shop and the most expensive bolt I have ever bought (over £20) leaves this facility as strong as the house.

Some diehards have asked the cost to stay over between the Friday and Saturday parties.  We don’t charge extra, but be warned that Littlecroft needs continual upkeep and you might be asked to muck in.  ‘Friends of Littlecroft’ who contribute in such ways over and above the call of duty might even earn some free entries.  There will plenty for ladies to do as well. It is hoped that summer stoppers will bring a sleeping bag (other than their partner) tents and/or camper vans.

Maintaining the fabric is a full time job but we have had useful help from revellers.  Such helpers don’t always work for free, but they price generously and/or can earn some free entry in return.  If you have a skill and/or would like to help a little, please make yourself known to us.  This helps us keep the entry cost down.  Key requirements are for a registered gas fitter, landscape gardener, electrician, ordinary plumber and window cleaner.  Cheerful people who can just join in at anything necessary are also welcome.

Since the documentary, countless couples have wanted to come for the first time.  Some of them have asked for a ‘first timer’s manual’ to help them through slight anxiety.  Around a dozen couples at each party are first timers.  Read the ‘guests’ observations’ to be assured how little you will regret your first visit.  No two couples have exactly the same preferred approach, so a ‘manual’ would not help much.  We always found that asking couples what they were looking forward to gave a good indication of whether to invest any more time with them.  All couples want to communicate, so there is no chance of being rebuffed in the exploratory stages of engagement.  Do rehearse an exit strategy or protocol if one of you starts to feel insecure at the greater popularity of the other.

Call us gullible, but we believed they all were.  We have since been told by regular party visitors that when they angrily counter the outlandish criticisms on one such site, their inputs are ignored.  There is apparently some nonsense out there about single males at Littlecroft couples only nights.  It seems some sites have sinister editorial controls. Several of these membership sites exist and need to be swayed by regular lobbying from people who enjoy it here. We sense that it is in their interest to demote amateur house parties in favour of commercial venues. If you belong to any, please get amongst their chat rooms and spread the word.  One reveller offers to reimburse chat roomers their entrance if they don't enjoy it here.  He's swayed several and incurred no costs.  Understand that several sites seek to profit by affiliation with chosen venues.  For example, Local Swingers take a dim view of any positive discussion of this venue because they profit enormously from steering their underclasses to Abflab.

A small celebration is due – the last party is the first in our recall that no one broke any of our toilets! This year alone, some 6 man days have gone into their repair. We don’t expect revellers to have a doctorate in hydraulic engineering, but are sometimes dumbfounded by the abuse. Some one had even put a tampax in the cistern rather than the bowl. That took over a day to extract from the flush siphon. Thanks.  More recently, the latest toilet has fallen victim to the phantom toilet-shaggers.  Perhaps they are too shy to indulge the dozens of dark corners on offer, but couples regularly despatch toilets 'in flagrante delecto'.  Cistern tops, seats and seat covers have all fallen prey to their wanton lusts.

As we write elsewhere on the site, there are not enough rooms for every group who wants to exclude the rest of the party.  As a compromise, room(s) will be designated with notices such as: ‘only enter this room if invited by a participating lady'; 'couples only'; 'voyeurs allowed in here but no still means no'.  Some rooms are kept locked as private rooms for valuables.  They are clearly marked as such.  It is intended that keys be removed from all party bedrooms and we ask that no attempt is made to barricade the doors.  Anyone in a bedroom is welcome to enforce adherence to that room's protocol, but please spare our wallpaper any blood stains.