These parties are usually on the fourth Saturday of every month but the exact schedule is in dates. Couples do not need to book ahead. We take pride in feeding you, and often supply a whole roast pig – or similar. On couples only nights the attendance has only once been below 100 and has been over 200. Some revellers change into erotic gear here – an office is dedicated as a cloakroom. The door team let people in wearing jeans, trainers or baseball hats just once if they plead lack of upbringing and promise never to do it again. Arrive from 21:30, but be warned that most arrive between 10 and 11 with activity peaking between 11pm and 4am. The contribution sought depends upon recent damage and party-dedicated acquisitions, but will not be above £40 per couple until further notice.

Single males are excluded and should not embarrass themselves by attempting entry. The door team have seen all the scams from ‘my partner arranged to meet me here’ to scrambling through the undergrowth to bypass security. Do not bring any male separately from his intended ‘partner’. It is embarrassing to all while he waits outside for someone who usually never comes (and was probably fictitious in the first place). Heavily bi women should couple with similar – it distorts the dynamics for both partners in a couple to be pursuing the same gender. Such a couple is the equivalent of two single males. Please do not bring a partner who plans to be a lot less active than you. If she just wants to dance you stay downstairs as well. We are too polite to berate the occasional reveller who pays a ‘ticket woman’ to gain entry, but be assured they are easy to spot.

The rooms are sometimes labelled to help people select their favourite type of interaction. Cruisers (lone males who have parked their women somewhere ‘safe’) are discouraged from at least one room so that couples-only revellers can be spared testosterone-inflamed interruption.

First timers often seek reassurance. Around 20% at each party are also first timers. If you ‘loose your nerve’, or have resolved not to interact, staying downstairs will usually feel just like being at a normal, very sociable party. Around 30% don’t interact. Preferred approach protocols vary between couples, so a safe icebreaker is to ask a couple that interests you what theirs is. As a last resort, remember that no always means no.